i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
