Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
