have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
