I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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