I can text with my tongue
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
