so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
