You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
