he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
