I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
