Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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