Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize