Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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