Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
