Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
