Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
