Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
