Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
