i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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