I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Randomize
