My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
