I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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