I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
