Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
