This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
