Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
