things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
