I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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