But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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