My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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