So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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