im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
