It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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