I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
