I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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