11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
