What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
