chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
