question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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