the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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