that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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