I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I could make wine with my vomit
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
