Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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