Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
