did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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