So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
