So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
