Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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