he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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