So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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