I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
