I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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