i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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