a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
