my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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