ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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