I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
