it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
