So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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