just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She's the barista slut.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I need a beard to bite.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
