Are we in a gay sports bar?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
