College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
