So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
