Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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