I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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