well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
