My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
