Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
