The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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