Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
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They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
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I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize