I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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