My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
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