you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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