Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i think my cat just said my name.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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