Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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