So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize