She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Pants 0. Shit 1.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
