Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
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then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
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Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
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I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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