Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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