That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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