Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
