That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
