i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
