I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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