first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
