my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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